Nosey?! Who? Wait, do you mean ME?

I am an information highway. My brain works in such a way that it is on a constant search for information. I'm sort of a combination of Data meets Cagney & Lacey meets Jung meets the CDC meets Quantico meets super hero meets thurgood marshall kind of person. I seek out information, knowledge, details, and did I say information. This information can range from me listening not to the person that I am with but rather every other conversation around me. You think it doesn't matter that perfect strangers are having a domestic, or that again, perfect strangers, are lamenting their pregnancy, or having an affair. It matters! What you keep in your fridge or in your cabinets, how you arrange your flatware all matters to me.

Leon will tell you, when I go into his house, the first thing I do is this: Bugs cookie jar, marvin cookie jar, drawer by the fridge, fridge, freezer, cabinets. Why? What if I get hungry and need a snack. I need to know that there is a cookie in that jar or a popcicle in the freezer. Once I know I don't have to worry about it. Unfortunately for me, last time I was over Leon's, he PLANTED information. So, as I was looking for the rogue piece of orange orbit gum in the drawer by the fridge, I found naked guy pictures. NAKED. So, snagged. Not going to go into that drawer again.

Anyway, that is the routine in his house - in others I may start with the fridge, move to the drawers. It depends on my relationship with the person. Mostly it is all food related or self defense related. Other times I want to know about someone. Do they organize their silverware in the right order? Do they have real stemware or jelly jars? Are there real knives? What if while in the house I am faced with a situation that causes me to need a knife, or what if I need to sneak a protein boost and while she's in the bathroom I need a spoonful of peanut butter? I wouldn't be able to Mcguyver out of a situation if I didn't know what my options were.

Maria says I am just nosey. She won't let me sit where I see the entire restuarant. Calls me out when I listen to other's conversations (at least Leon appreciates this) or when I simply stare. But wait... What if that note that was not addressed to me was really a cry for help - an SOS of sorts? Once I find out what it is I typically stop reading... only once did I actually read information that I shouldn't have. But I was young, bored, and just exploring what I could get away with. I learned too much information that day and felt the violation. So, I read nothing personal. Ok except that note RiRi- but there are no secrets among best friends so you would have told me about it anyway.

I will also scan everything in the room. I am learning about you in the process. What kind of books do you read; music do you listen to; art do you like; do you have pictures of family or friends on your walls; do you have allergies, hemmorhoids, jock itch; where is the purel; do you eat junk food; do you have weird 1970s TV show collections; do you buy dvds; have an ipod? I want to know all of it.

However, I will stay away from your personal finances, I will NOT read your journal, and I will not open your mail. But if you invite me in, you should know that I will definitely look in your cabinets.

I am not nosey - I am a collector of information. I am always looking for the way out, a quick snack, and a weapon to defend myself from the mysterious marauders. Although I may mistake your barkalounger for some cross between a bison, cow, and pig and run screaming from your house, at least I will know where the meat cleaver, portable phone, car keys, and diet coke are. And you will thank my information collecting when I am saving your jankass.