Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch

Notwithstanding the fact that I cannot figure out why the "Crunch" is necessary after the Heath Bar since hello its crunchy by design and then its frozen in a bed of vanilla bean ice cream as only Ben & jerry can make it. So, in my opinion the crunch is superfluous! Yes, superfluous!

This week has been a bear - its only Wednesday and we leave for vacation on Saturday so I am in freak out mode. This means that my normal OCD is multiplied by about 100 because I am convinced that something could possibly go wrong in the one week that I will be out of the office. And everything becomes a priority - even things like deciding how I am going to implement my new green attitude. And by this I really mean - are envelopes recyclable? Why this should become priority number one at 8am on a Wednesday is beyond me - but it took some research. The answer is it depends. WTFE!

So, Tuesday - long work day followed by long board of directors meeting. I decided that it was going to be a long night because we ran out of Ice Pops. I know it sounds ridiculous but I truly think that we need some sort of support group. We need intervention to help the problem. Hi, I'm Kar and I eat 16 ice pops in a day. Hi Kar! Except in this intervention the only people in the room are Jdog and a bunch of sick 5 year olds. Whatever, they are the BOMB and we've been eating them like they were going out of style. Jdog went through 16 - literally 16 in one day. Which meant no more ice pops for us. I desparately ran to the stop & shop to pick up some more. I got the nonfrozen type and made my way to the frozen section so we can get through the night.

GASP - no frozen ice pops. I was therefore forced to buy Ben & Jerry's heretofore mentioned Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch. It was hot enough to gently melt the ice cream so by the time I got home, slid into my Spongebob Pajama Pants PJs, it was perfectly soft - not too soft just perfect for scooping and eating. I was so very happy and excited since it had been so very long since I sat with a pint. Of course the last time I ate one, I realized that I no longer had a tolerance to finish the pint. But I'm told that is a good thing. Anyway, I settled into my place on the couch and was ready to dig in.

What I did not count on was Jdog. Jdog - sigh - Jdog! Now we had never shared a pint - never. This was a first. And if you know anything about me, you know I love to eat ice cream and I am very particular about things but also about my ice cream. I love to eat ice cream out of the pint. It is the perfect size for eating. I like to make swirls - perfect swirls that go from the outside in. I work my way down the pint in this fashion, taking each bite and savoring the tastes and when I am lucky enough to get a chunk of chocolatey, brownie, Cherry, whirled goodness, I am estatic. Jdog, on the other hand, is a digger. A digger dog.

Digging is antithetical to my Savoring. Digging no! Savoring yes! Mind you, we were sharing a pint. I took the first bite. Did I mention it was perfectly melted. YUM! So, I take the first bite and it was soft vanilla bean ice cream that tasted as though it was right out of the creamer - although that sounds gross because the creamer is probably some cold infested bacteria ridden vat run by some sweaty hairy obese guy in a tank top and no hair net. But, it was creamy and good. This first bite also had some melted toffee from the broken bit of health bar. OH MY GOD was it heaven.

And along came hot diggidy dog all diggin into my pint. She was so excited because as it happens, Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch is a favorite because Heath Bars are her favorite candy bar. Can you imagine my luck! I couldn't have chosen something like Fossil Fuel. Nope, nothing but the best for Jdog. I was very patient. We were chatting about our respective days and I was calmly trying to repair the divots in my ice cream. But each time she took a bite she was digging in the creamy goodness - and digging out all of the heath bar. I couldn't take it much longer and yelled, nay frantically said, Please STOP DIGGING OUT THE HEATH BAR PLEASE LEAVE SOME FOR ME!! I was utterly panicked.
An aside - as I am writing this - I am eating the m&ms she bought me and she just dumped them all over the cat hair infested pillows. Who's eating them now - jdog. But I am not as panicked now as I was last night. The mere thought of not having at least one spoonful of the perfectly melted vanilla bean complete with a quarter bar of heath made me lose it. IT WAS PERFECT! She laughed. There was no mocking but she was definitely amused. I was hoping that she understood and 2 digs later I had to once again express my desire to have at least one piece of heath bar. Jdog asked me why I didn't just take a piece of heath if I wanted it. I explained, as I did above, that there are complexities involved in eating the pint. There's swirling and perfection and eating. COMPLEXITIES!!!

Despite not fully grasping the complexities but totally understanding my need to be me, she capitulated and curbed the digging - I of course was forced to stop my ocd pint swirling and together we finished the pint. Once I was over the panic, I realized that sharing the pint was perfect. We just need to iron out the details - hers and hers pints.

CVS Coupon Crazed

Today, three days after I called in my perscription refill, I finally went to CVS to pick up the stuff. I troll around for some toiletries, look at some cards, and read some labels, and make my way to the pharmacy. I realize that my usual pharmacy assistant is not there and someone new is waiting on me. She examines my purchases, asking me where she could find Biore strips. I said, ugh, don't you work here? She said well I was in a different store. I thought all CVS's were the same - and in fact figured all Biore strips would be in the, I don't know, facial products isle. But I let it go. She then proceeded to tell me that she cannot find her shampoo in the CVS because she has to use a special shampoo because she is losing her hair. I do something that is typical Kar, I ask the question - what kind of shampoo costs $25? She tell me Biolage. I reply, oh Systeme Biolage, with the accent. She doesn't laugh at the joke and instead showed me how the humidity really makes the bald pattern prominent. I am thinking two things 1. this is a perfect example of why I cannot stop being a busy body; and 2. is this really happening. I was also thinking that I am trapped until she finishes ringing up my order.

I was wrong in thinking that I was free once my order was finito. Wrong! Nosalina started reading my coupons aloud. She said, Oh you have $5.00 extra bucks, and $2.00 off tampons. I looked around like - where is the camera on this one? She then said well, not that you need it but you can have $15.00 off of anti-age, anti-wrinkle, detoxifying lotion. You know, she followed, they start selling us this shit when we are 15. Next thing you know we'll all be getting botox and we'll look like this: and then she made a face that could only be described as a botoxed scarecrow, or Joan Rivers. I fell onto the counter laughing and my ass hit the guy who was beet red from laughing - probably at knowing that tampons were on sale with the coupon, or from me assing him in the pee-pee.