FCUKING BROILER!

I decided to make nachos today. It was L-word day with Rosenbaum and I decided to make nachos. Now you might be wondering - what Kar, you had cheese and nachos? And I am here to tell you that we over shopped for jdog's bday celebration and had extra nachos and I am officially a member of the grocery shopping population. Yeah - Jdog has many good influences on me. Back to the nachos.

Spiderman2 is on and basically the movie allowing us to get settled into our Lword and trash talking kind of day. I make a wonderful 3 layered nacho dish. Just chips and monterey jack and cheddar. I make this in one of our new casserole dishes from my mom and dad. I turn on the broiler - which as you know I used for the first time 2 weeks ago - and place the nachos in the oven. I then proceed outside to move the christmas tree from the front lawn. How trashy is it that it has been out there for a month - since we apparently missed the two xmas tree pick ups!? And how long could that take. Well, by the time I got outside I realized I had to position my body between the tree and jdog's car - so that took time; and then I heard the distant sound of a shovel and thought OH HELL! I can get some of our ice ridden driveway back if I just chip away. This took maybe 5-7 minutes.

Meanwhile back in the house Jdog and Rosenbaum notice a "toasty" smell. Jdog goes into the kitchen and discovers little curls of smoke coming from the top of the stove door. She then opens the oven and notices the FLAMES coming from the plate of now charred nachos positioned incorrectly at the top of the oven inches (maybe 2) under the broiler (what this isn't right?). She looks for a fire extinguisher and why would I keep that out in plain sight? The one that is in sight is from the fifties and just for show. Realizing she needed to put out the flames - she gets out the baking soda (same thing basically!).

Enter me - all pricked by the damn xmas tree - horrified that there is a smell and the nachos are on FIRE! Jdog throws the baking soda and I start blowing and the fire is out! Rosenbaum then states wow I'm suprised the smoke alarm hasn't gone off. Enter Smoke alarm. Our neighbors are nervous and at the now open window asking if everything is ok and shouts of "don't worry, karen is cooking" ring from each window! When we effectively removed some of the thick black smoke from the house, I tossed the charred mess out into the snow where it melted right down to the grass.

What did I learn from this? Well first, never put nachos inches under the broiler - something about the heat and the oils in the cheese and safety; second, keep a working fire extinguisher visible to all; next, don't get distracted by things when you are cooking something delicate - or anything for that matter; always use a monterey jack and cheddar mix on your home made nachos; baking soda works on home fires; change all batteries in your smoke detectors when you change your clocks; never use all the chips just in case something happens to the first batch; ovens contain fires and really doesn't let the fire escape into the walls burning the house down - which I am finally convinced of; and finally, never let me cook in your house - its just too dangerous.

I hope little bunny foo foo - our neighborhood rabbit - doesn't die of char broiled nacho poisioning!