So you want to be a superhero?

Do you have dreams of becoming a superhero? Have you purchased the Superhero's guidebook? Even non-athletic types, have the ability to get a little jazzed by their inner superhero. Here are four tips:

1. Buy a hat. And fake glasses. These items alone can really make you inconspicuous, or at least make you feel like you are incognito. A hat, fake glasses, and a code name (like Joan) means you are on your way to super stardom.

2. Purchase a cape, preferably red. You cannot help but feel free, powerful, and superheroy in a cape. Ignore the desparaging cape comments in The Incredibles. Why? Well you are not really a superhero - you will NOT fly, nor will you be stopping an airplane as it goes soaring to the ground sucking your cape into the engine.

3. Have a theme song. This doesn't have to be an original score. Just pick your favorite. And this can change each day as necessary. For instance, today my theme song was Chico and the Man. Mostly it is the Charlie's Angels or Wonder Woman theme songs.

4. When you are feeling slobbish, unaccomplished, like you want to kick your coworkers' or your boss' ass, or you just need a break, take a trip to the elevator. When you get in push a button, preferably on a higher floor. Imagine that you are imprisoned in an abandoned mine shaft by the Legion of Doom and you just removed your tight bounds. On the other side of the door you can hear the tick tick tick of the bomb, and the wimpering of a 3 legged dog and a bunch of orphans. Rub your wrists (they still hurt from the rope), crack your neck and back, and do a leg squat to loosen up the muscles. Start to sing your theme song (aloud or in your head). As you sing, the wimpering become sobs and the dog is starting to chew another leg off. You grasp the doors in the middle. Now it is important to time your pull. Why? Well, while you are struggling to open the steel and cement doors of that abandoned mine the real elevator starts to open on your floor. WHOO HOO! YOU SAVED THE DAY! Now, remember you MUST be alone in the elevator because pretending to open the doors scares people. Also, be careful who might be on the other side of the door - its embarassing to find yourself staring at one of your students, while you are singing the last stanza to the Gidget theme song, and adjusting your fake boustiee after saving the universe from a pack of whild boars. People just don't understand.