Why you shouldn't lie to Children - Reason 1148

Today I received a call on my cell phone from my 6 (almost 7) year old nephew DJ. I answer thinking its his mom and he says "hi aunt karen." I of course was sooo excited because the kids never call me and he told me all about the movie Hoodwinked. Said it was hysterical and gave me a verbal recounting of one of the characters swallowing a camera and all the noises that he makes while the camera is in the stomach. CUTE! The movie synopsis ends and I say well, is that the only reason you called...thinking perhaps that his mom needed to talk to me. He then gets that cute but getting annoying because he is getting older baby voice and he asks me "aunt karen, I want to know how you got your powers."

Now there are two problems...
First, when he was like 3 or 4 I had one of those superimpose my head on spiderman's body pictures done at Universal Studios. Of course he thought, because he was a baby, and of course I encouraged, because I am a big kid, the notion that I was in fact Spiderman. Yes, many of you know this story. However, now he wants to see the web (so, I point to some bizare tendon split in my wrist and tell him that is where it shoots out); and today he needs to know where my powers come from. I tell him "it took years of training and lots of suffering." What else could I say? I lied to you! NO! Then I ramble about being at work, thanks for calling, I love you, bye. Good lord. I need to tell this kid that I am not spiderman. How is this going to happen? Webapause is the best possible solution. I can give some long explanation about weight gain which means I can't inch into the skin tight suit, and maybe the afro will start peeking through the spidey mask, that the web dries up, and the carpel tunnel makes it hard to climb buildings, and frankly the boobs are in the way of repelling from tree to building to skyscraper. UGH! HE WILL BE HEARTBROKEN. Who am I kidding - I am HEARTBROKEN! And not only over the fact that I cannot be spidey for him, or me. ok just me.

Second, I take full responsibility for the mid-morning call. Why? It seems I may have taught him how to "lift" the cell phone from his mother on the 4th of July. I didn't mean to do it, but I am NOSEY as well all know and she had one of those pink Razor phones and she had little beads bedazzled all over the cover. And I needed to first mock her, second, play with it and of course finally, I had to add some pictures of myself to the picture ID. And after DJ complained he couldnt call people on the phone I said - well get mommy's cell phone and call me ANYTIME. And so he did.

I am fully responsible for this kid's future therapy and unnatural obsession with superheros. I admit that. This is probably a good indication that I should not make things up, should not lie to kids, and perhaps I should infact put the kabosh on the growing underground little known notion that I am the second coming. Not sure who I am the second coming for but it is either great and will lead to my eternal salvation - or I'll be rockin' in hell with the rest of y'all.

later gators.
k