The Shooter

Ever decide at the last minute to go see a flick? You arrive at say 7:15pm and you really want to see a movie. Of course something is starting at that time (so now you are precariously close to missing all the previews), then at 7:40 but the thought of waiting around with the midsized throng of people makes your skin crawl; and then of course there is the 8pm show. Add to that the fact that the 7:15 has a star that you like and its a movie that is not likely to stir your already fragile emotional side; the 7:40 stars Sandra Bullock whom you adore but who doesn't really have a great track record and you fear wasting money on something like Johnny Neumonic (sorry carol); and the 8pm is likely the best picture of the year but again who can wait that long with the creepy people and no purell. And so you head into the 7:15.

Last night that 7:15pm choice was the Shooter with Marky Mark, Danny Glover, Ned "you thought I was dead" Beatty, and a kid with the last name Pena who starred in a gay Native American movie I once saw. Anyhow. The movie starts in what looks like South America but is actually Ethiopia. Marky Mark and some dude are in camoflage (sp?) and taking out the bad ethiopians. Of course we learn that Marky Mark is the best darn Shooter the army has and he was able to kill about 300 people all by his lonesome. Of course his friend gets blown away and they are left in the middle of africa (ok not the middle but you know what I mean) and marky mark has to use his stealthy skills getting out (we didn't see that part of course but it was intimated later). Anyway he gets out. Next scene is like 3 years later and we see a panoramic scene resembling Alaska but which is Wyoming and Marky has a bad ponytail and a big dog who is trained enough to take a beer bottle out of the fridge. He is like a recluse or something.

Flash to a government agency with Danny Glover at the helm saying that we need Marky Mark to help. Danny goes to Wyoming and plays the Do it for your country (a la grease 2) BS to convince marky mark to help the government track someone set to assassinate the president. Now, what you might not get here is listening to Danny Glover talk was like listening to Cindy Brady do her She Sells Seashells by the sheashore routine. His lisp was so bad and of course he had so many "sssss" words that it was distracting. I kept looking for the closeups to see if he had braces or a mouth guard, I pondered whether or not he had a stronke. It was friggin bizare. But not as bizare as the movie.

There was a weird love interest - it was his dead partners girlfriend who had some huge house in KY. Anyway she looked like she didn't need KY because the first shot of her was in a white tank top and all you saw was the outline of her nipples. She did close the robe when a shot and injured Marky Mark came over for help. She did have to perform surgery on him and thankfully dressed in a white outfit and a hand fashioned nurses hat just in case she got blood on her.

The movie was odd - my favorite scene was the scene with one of the gov't hench men who was in a wheelchair says in a froggie Sling Blade way "He's not dead." it was like a comedy - like some weird guy in a wheelchair rolls into the scene and says something completely non sequitor. There was also a scene with marky and the woman a day after the surgery and she mauled him right on his injuries and there was no wincing.

Lots of bad editing. Horrible screen play. HORRIBLE acting. HORRIBLE Lisping.

Please never ever see this movie. Please.