Black Widow, My Family Style.

The pale cast over parts of my family is like a dark cloud of locusts waiting to hatch every seven years. Plus we are a family of drama and sometimes just can't help ourselves. And so, I received permission from my cuz to share this story so that others might learn from it.

As you know my aunt passed away in October, 2006 after a long battle with diabetes. My uncle was devastated and on Christmas he shocked us and saddened us all when he signed the card, auntie and uncle leon. He couldn't stay very long - as his pain and broken heart made it impossible. New Year's Eve approached and mysteriously enough my uncle picked up a woman from the airport and the Black Widow made her way into my aunt's house and tried to make her way into my uncle's heart. She was almost successful.

Cuz being cuz, would never let this woman rest. What you might not know is that my cuz is a bit brutal - saying whatever is on his mind. Including of course calling this woman a whore and a DB, and MFAH and a bunch of other curse words you might never yourself utter to someone you did not know. Sure we were all suprised but Uncle seemed so happy! Until of course cuz got ahold of her again. He freaked her so badly she ended up in the fetal position in the bathtub. Black Widow was mortified enough to get out of dodge before it got worse. Unfortunately I learned that my uncle didn't even get sex out of the deal. sigh.

Not being able to file her social security issues in the state in which she resides, she had to come to CT to make sure everything was ok. I know I'm not big on the law or anything but I thought social security benefits could be transfered to the state in which you live. But what do I know. In anyevent, Black widow crawled back into our lives - weaving her web of deceipt and lies. Litte did she know that my family has the market on deceipt, lies, drama, and we know everyone. And so LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

The following occurred in a three hour time span (Read the following as though a voice over is reading side effects of pills, i.e., read fast and incomprehensible): 1. black widow sees priest; 2. black widow tells priest she wants to marry uncle next weekend; 3. priest says no, it takes 6 months to prep (even when you are geezers) and widow goes home 4. priest gets haircut at cuz's salon; 5. priest tells cuz black widow visited; 6. cuz calls brother; 7. widow calls another church; 8. my mom who works at second churce notices the caller id and waits to be transferred to uncle; 9. cuz, brother, sis-in-law meet, draw up contract for prenup (ok they are not lawyers but did good job); 10. my mom finds out that it was not uncle but widow looking for priest to marry them; 11. mom calls cuz, bro, sis-in-law; 12. the whole family knows the story; 13. uncle confronted; 14; widow retreats, again, into bathtub. Round 2 my family. DING!

One would think that this would be enough. I mean honestly, if someone called me a whore as much as cuz called her, told me that my gapped teeth were caused by too much fellatio, and I found the entire town knew and thwarted all my plans I would get a little nervous. But nothing kept the Black Widow down. She really has guts because she kept coming in for more. What happened next you might ask. Well, the private investigator actually found that the Widow was wanted in another state for bilking an estate for $87,000; had racked up 12Gs in bahamian casino debt; and had another fiance who was also looking for money. And then there was the alleged foreclosure, and inability to pay any bills. Right, and the charges on my uncle's credit card. Other than that the PI found nothing. Needless to say that was enough for uncle to say - let's go lady, and kick her black widowing ass out of the house.

Can you imagine!? Oh I can. Well the bottom line is pretty sad because parts of the family are not speaking, and someone sent an anonymous unsupportive letter to the brothers. Now, the only thing we could tell from the letter was that it was mailed in southern ct. Oh believe me cuz is on it.

So, what is the lesson I wish to impart - be careful of the black widows and if you want to cause emotional damage to someone, call my cuz. That boy can find the smallest flaw and send him/her right into the tub - for a fee he might even turn on the water for a greater effect.