All Hallows Eve

Halloween came and went with no blog update. So, here it is. Jdog was going as one of the Tipping the Velvet chicks and so I had to look decent. So, I promised not to just put on my Cowboys jersey and visor. It was Halloween after all and you're supposed to dress in something that is not necessarily what you would normally wear. Which meant I needed to go outside my comfort zone a bit. So, I ended up being sort of a mix of disco diva and blacksploitation star. I even bought and put on makeup. I wore black pants with a bit of a flare and a white tux shirt. And get this one...under the white shirt I wore a black body suit/leotard kind of thing. The girls were bustin out and my plan was to wear the white shirt open exposing said girls. SHAZAM!

Unfortunately not all my plans turn out as expected. First, the leotard thing snapped in the crotch. I am not sure when the last time you wore something that had clasps in the crotch but it was likely the last time you wore a onesie. So, this thing, I put it on and then had to contort and twist my body in ways that made me grunt and heave and sweat. FINALLY, body suit thing on, I stand. I immediately got a wedgie (frontal and rectal) and the underwire for the girls was literally hitting my stomach. Now, I am not as perky as I used to be but lord have mercy I am not saggin that low. So, I adjusted and focused on my hair.

The word for my hair is Flufftastic. I picked the shit out of my hair - it was crazy fluffy and afrotique. I put in a little white head band, lifted the underwire and was good to go. Then I got self conscious and put on a scarf to cover my business. Did I mention I bowled on Halloween - yeah it was a gay bowling night so to the lanes I trotted (ok drove). Apparently I did ok on the outfit because Jdog wasn't the only one interested in seeing me in all my exposed glory but I had to show it to the other women around me. Shazam again!

I then tried to bowl. The first ball I threw (and for those who have seen me bowl, I really throw it) my left tit popped out of my leotard and nearly pegged me in my eyeball. I was afraid and immediately covered myself. Lest you grow complacent in the fact that this was the only damage I did to my self on that night - it was not. On my very next turn, while compensating for the boob spill, I swivelled my hips in such a way to cause the snapped crotch leotard to pull further into my parts. Every hair was caught in the damn thing and it felt like I had a turd stuck in my ass. Alas, I prayed and feared that the crotch snaps would immediately dislodge and not only give my nether regions a reprieve but that it would also seriously injur someone - me!

No suprise, I bowled an average of 120 something but I looked pretty hot (so I'm told). I certainly enjoyed myself but I will say this - next year I'm a cowboy!