Mother's Day

I wanted to make a mother's day haiku but there is just too much to say. One of my favorite but overplayed ad campaigns is the mastercard ad and so here is an homage to my mom.

Expired cocktail sauce and horseradish = ruined shrimp cocktail
Mushroom Ravioli in butter and olive oil = gag reflex invokment
Brown C-3 Cranberry sauce = thrown into garbage
Nutty Turkey = not sure what that even was
A wonderful home cooked mother's day meal = priceless - if by priceless you mean ASS!!!!

No, LiLi, she still can't cook!

OKC in da houz!

Despite 40 degree weather. Despite the wind whipping at our faces. We made it through the OKC half marathon! We started out by walking in the dark to the start in the rain. Our seasoned marathoner guide didn't really know where he was going so we went a round about way to the start and had to sneak in through the side. But our chips registered and we jogged through the start line. That jog reduced to a walk about 10 seconds in and we found our pace. The mistake is to try to keep up with someone who looks like you, looks hot, looks like they could collapse and you can beat them by running over their limping corpse later on. I kept making it a true race - ridiculous because hello I was going to lose that race everytime. Who trained? Not me. Not really. So, yeah, I walked lots of miles but not 13.1 all at once! Anyway, at mile 1.5 one third of our half marathoning team got injured - an old IT-band injury reared its head. This meant that we just meandered until she was feeling ok enough to actually put pressure on the leg. She did and then decided to leave me and her mom in the dust. WTF? We walked and walked and walked some more. There were women there bigger than me and that was comforting. Until they passed me. I did prove victorious when passing a tent on someone's driveway, one of the cheering crowd said "heads up." I look up and there is a champagne cork flying through the air. I catch it. CHEERS OF WE LOVE YOU KAREN! YOU ROCK KAREN! YOU ARE LIKE MICKEY MANTLE KAREN! filled the air and my ears. It was a beautiful thing. Then we walked and walked some more. Then I heard a voice. One of those Fran Drescher annoying high voices. And a complaining one at that. I wanted to turn around and knife her in the throat. I restrained myself when I realized their names were the Chunky Dunks and they in their purple shirts and spandex were passing us. WTF! WHo cares. So, we walk and walk and walk adn then get passed by CG who RAN the FULL marathon - ok whatever. Then the finish line was in site and so were those Chunky women. Oh we pulled out all stops - despite the ruptured oozing blister on my left foot - and passed dem biatches! OYWD! It was great. The whole thing took 4 hours and 25 minutes. NOt great but wtfc because we did it!! and I have a medal to prove it! Next stop Disney half marathon!