American Idol: The Women

I love American Idol. I actually love Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway is a great album, and unlike many, I have forgiven her for not thanking American Idol when she won the grammys because I just adore the live version of Beautiful Disaster. I can boycott Dominos for providing funding to anti-abortion causes back in the 80s; I can't sit in cracker barrell deck chairs because of their discriminatory practices in the 80s; I even boycotted CBS in protest for cancelling Cagney & Lacey again in the 80s; but don't make me boycott my Kelly! I am also a Claymate. I admit it. I love Barry Mannilow too! So, what's your point? Anyway, tonight is the women's competition and here are my thoughts:

Ryan Seacrest makes me absolutely crazy. Metrosexual. Whatever. I am so done with his odd reversable blue velvet jacket.

Lordy Lordy Paula's had a Forty! And a botox treatment for good measure. Can she not feel that wisp of hair that is stuck in her mouth? Watching Paula is like watching Dora the Explorer. Have you seen this? Basically Dora is Bilingual and educational - donde esta dora - anyway, she asks questions of the audience and there is this silence as she waits for the tv audience response. For instance Dora will say "have you seen the sheep?" Then there is silence and dora and her sidekick money are looking all around waiting for the answer. Finally after what seems to be hours, Dora says something like "oh thank you there are the sheep. gracias." As an adult this is the most bizare thing. Well, Paula is just like that but in live version - she speaks a couple garbled words and then she stops to collect her thoughts (and you can feel Ryan, Randy, Simon, the camera man, and the music director just looking around like do we interject or cut to Simon, what do we do) and then miraculously Paula recovers and adds the hand air pump or moves her head to the side and comes up with some impressive retort like: Its taking risks but taking risks in the right direction; You're wowing us; and I want to squish you.

And here is the competition:
1. Katharine blunders through Stevie Wonder. Is there some hidden sexual tension between her and her roomie or is it my perspective. Gunny Gunny outfit. And by Gunny Gunny I mean - no one should wear a shirt with the built in visible bra with the high waist. It is not flattering, sexy or anything but Gunny Guynny. And if you can't work a mike please don't try the hystrionics of grabbing it out of the stand. Her mom knows she sucks tonight.

2. Kinnik - GOODNESS she should not be in a cowboy outfit because she looks like a really bad drag queen. Not sure what song she is trying to sing. Not sure what to say other than...fast forward.

3. Lisa - she's cute and I like her personality but what a horrendous song choice. She is screaming into the mic. Her parents are cute and singing the song but maybe they should be up there for her. She can hold the notes and has perfect arches in those eyebrows so, hello Lisa. Overall horrible.

4. Melissa - aka: Oh my god I was wearing FLIP FLOPS on the red carpet girl. Chunkalina women should not really wear belly shirts. I have belly chunk and sometimes wear outfits that are the slightest bit short and when I run my hands through my curly locks I flash a bit of skin and I know its not attractive. But this woman thinks she rocks. She did ok with the song. I thought it was a reach song because she really just screamed into the mic and tried way too hard but comparatively it was the best so far. She just ruined it by explaining herself. Then the pan to the family - the beehive went out years ago sister.

5. Heather - she should have been kicked last week and this week she chose Hero by Maraih Carey which she claims was never sung which of course I challenge. Didn't that hairdresser from Connecticut sing that song? And if anyone put a boa on my neck I would have peed. There is CLEARLY a reason songs aren't sun on AI. Namely this one by Heather. The makeup artist must be Tammy Faye Baker because wow it is bad. These kids look like prostitutes. Honestly, how hard is it to pick a song. and when did the tube top come back?

6. Brenna - ok last dance great song choice. Great outfit for the song with the disco ball earings and the geri curl. I like her attitude. Hitting the first few notes is important. And maybe clear deodarant is in order. Is everyone screaming tonight or am I just tired. She is not giving it her all and suprisingly enough can't really move all that well while singing. She tried to pull it out in the end in that Velma from Good Times kind of way but failed. This egomaniac needs to be kicked.

7. Paris. Now I love her and she is absolutely talented. But she comes from a family who is in show business and she would be hooked up a million times from Sunday so I don't really think she needs to be on this show. She has an unfair advantage - really its like me entering a lounge lizard karaoke competition - just unfair. Now, I would have the good common sense to not choose Wind Beneath my Wings and wear a bizare choker. What has happened to her? Has she become too pop? Why is she abandoning her natural talent? Give us some more Billie Holiday. We know she has range - not everyone can pull off Billie. How she can pull Billie but NOT Bette is sort of comical but alas what do I know. She is amazing and so young but she will and would have gotten a contract regardless of AI.

8. Ayla. Our future BC ball player who now owns so many different tank tops. I have had it and hate everyone tonight. What song is this? Horrible. Horrible. And the hair. Is she even on key. Gads. Fast forward. Horrendous. And they loved her. wow!

9. Kelly. NC girl. Another who should have gone last week. Bonnie Raitt didn't whisper this song and starting so quietly doesn't ..hold that thought...no she didn't get a weave? IS that a weave? Are those pedal pushers? Is she on key? What was that weird move and eye and hair thing? Does she know she is not making porn? She rocked with the bedazzler on her shirt and espadrills. And her voice was actually the best and she did have fun. I certainly have not fallen in love with her and she is absolutely NOT Kelly!

10. Mendisa. LOL on Dog Jaw. The mumus rock! But so Whats her name Price. Everyone is OFF tonight. She has a freaking fantastic voice and is one of my favorites despite the porr song choice.


I hope the men are better tomorrow night.

For the L-Word Fans in the House - if you aren't a fan skip this post

I am SOOOO Carmen - minus like 100lbs and the whole caliente chicana mamma - but I get so mad at people based on dreams. So, not normal of course. But I laughed the whole episode because who hasn't felt my wrath after a particularly evil dream? OR who haven't I fallen in absolute lust with based on some unabashed dream? Rest assured everyone I know has shown up in my infamous series of abandonment dreams. The other - well there is a select handful.

I despise the cancer storyline. Hate it. And I have horrible tolerance for bad make up and editing. But that is me. Moira/Max story line has got to go - I didn't realize facial hair grew in a perfect little glory patch. I may however, need to buy one of those stand up and pee things. Despite my negativity, I will admit that it was a sweet touch with Max trying desperately to relate to Dana. And I cried over the basketball homage - its not for you, its for them. Transformation. Rock on Nona Hendryx & Pam Greir (by the way...if you haven't seen it you need to get or borrow Fox in a Box which has three movies: Foxy Brown, Coffy, and Sheba plus a special disc which is unfortunately not Women's Penitentiary).

Bette needs to dump the meditation and get back with Candy! Post Haste! I adore Alice and still love Shane (minus the hair) and aspire to be her pre-Carmen. Helena is a fabulous addition - not quite Marina but hey, if you can't get what you want love what you got. And clearly I need to get myself to the beach again - its been awhile.

Well another episode down. How many more are left?

XMen2 is on. Another fabulous movie - X3 comes out in May. Captain Picard, Anna Paquin, Sir Ian, Famke, Halle, Hugh Jackman. ROCK ON! Must see!

Night!

Who needs winter when you can have this?

Just Like Heaven

My damagingly dry, from the frigid cold coupled with oil based heat, face is tracked with tears from this painful movie. I realize I am a sap of the highest order. The movie starred Reese Witherspoon and Mark Rafalao. The movie takes place in San Francisco and the scenery is just so fabulously SF. Anyway, she dies, he is emotionally dead, he rents her apartment, she haunts the apartment, they fall in love. A heartfelt movie about fate, hope, love, and life getting in the way of living. Totally worth the rent especially if you are a hopeless/hopeful romantic like me. (note: despite being pissed off if a marriage proposal came in the middle of a dance, I am a romantic).

Speaking of fate and faith ... if you want a funny, yet painful, mocking of the Christians movie, check out Saved! The movie stars Mandy Moore, the kid from Almost Famous, McCauley Caulkin, Jena Malone, Heather Matazzaro (Welcome to the Dollhouse) and Susan Sarandon's kid. Funny stuff - or maybe its just funny because I am a recovering Catholic School girl. The denial, the guilt, the hope that Jesus really saves and the harsh reality that faith and being down with G-O-D does not in and of itself make life happy or good. Life in fact, just does not work that way. All that and the movie pokes fun at those of us who can get sucked into the infamous Lifetime movie, most of which star one of the Charlie's Angels, Valerie Bertinelli, Meredith Baxter Bernie, or Joe Polnacheck from Facts of Life. One lesson: "You're not born A Gay. You're Born Again!" LOL!

Speaking of which - LWord is on in 3 minutes so be ready for yet one more rant.

TV day rescheduled

Yesterday's TV day was interrupted by a need for Pancakes and Best Buy. For those of you who have not seen the funniest show on TV since Laverne & Shirley, Golden Girls, Futurama, and the Simpsons....see me to borrow Arrested Development. I cashed in that gift card for AD, and Mr& Mrs. Smith (hot hot hot).

Lauren's 1st birthday party rocked, a jaunt at Humphrey's was inspired, and a mini-swirl on the dance floor made for a fabulous night.

I finished Bones - cried - and am now watching Boston Legal. Anyone remember Lopez from ER (she was Carrie's partner)? I think she was on the District or the doctor show on Lifetime, maybe she was on both. Anyway, she is now a guest on Boston Legal and although her name is Erma Levine, she is still way hot and hopefully will be a regular. Anyway, Alan Shore, the resident objectifieer of women and nymphomaniac has inspired me with a new pick up line:

"I have been having these fantasies about you - unabashed sexual fantasies. I would like to meet you to discuss these in detail."

Think it would work?

If you do not watch BL and liked anything else from David Kelly - you need to watch this. If only for Denny Crane (William Shatner).

For my Steeler's fans two things: 1. Bones paid tribute to the Superbowl Winners - Boothe was drinking a cup of coffee and the cup was a Steeler's cup; and 2. there is an ad for asthmas that replicates the old Mean Joe Greene ad but this one is with Bettis. Cute.

Sad news - the Oscars are next week - how much of a slacker am I that I didn't know. This means, no large Oscar party but hey, if you want to watch come over - bring some snacks, beverages, and y'all can keep my mind off Alyssa's surgery (3/8). SERENITY!

I am going to make a heart healthy bowl of oatmeal.
Enjoy the day!
kar

All Roads lead to Buffy!

Well its Saturday and I am drinking a home brewed pot of coffee which tastes unfortunately like diner Joe. Not so much good but I only had folgers brought here by my mom who can't drink the strong stuff and since I don't shop regularly, I don't have the strong stuff.

As you know I am not a huge drinker - last night I had a couple cocktails and I feel like I drank for 8 hours straight. Weird. Speaking of last night - my goal for the evening was to try new things. Namely, expanding the lesbian network to include more women of color. So, Mamacitas Latina coming out dinner. SNOREVILLE. Followed by Tee Bits for some Sister Funk in Hartford. CLOSED. Can you imagine. The one night I am trying new things, trying to get a different swirl on, and I am DENIED! I did have a fabulous new to me dish at my favorite local Thai/Laotian place and we did go out to the Chez to dance. How totally disappointing - of course I was dancing some but nothing compared to droppin like its hot with a room full of women. The boys couldn't really dance, the music was honestly one song on repeat, and I think I was outdyked by a drag queen. Is that even possible?

I am catching up on my DVR'd shows: Bones, Boston Legal (I am praying David Kelly does not kill this like he's killed everything from Pickett Fences to Ally McBeal), desperate Housewives, etc. Its going to be a great morning/afternoon - warm house, PJ's, whose better than me?

Here's a quote from the series Bones, to spark some conversation: "Its a very bad sign when discourse becomes suspect."

If you have not watched this show it is great. David Boreanaz, who portrayed Angel on Buffy and then on his own spin off. The show is based on the life of forensic anthropologist Kathy Reichs. Basically FBI meets anthropologist and her wacky crew. I love Angela Montenegro (whose last name is one of my many alteregos but not from this show from a movie called The Cheap Detective with Madeline Kahn, among others, who attempts to give a number of aliases and one of them is Carmen Montenegro - and I adore MK but I digress), who is this witty brilliant, cute, firecracker. The writing on the show is good, the rapport among the characters is great. It is however hard for me to not call Booth, Angel. And this week there is a character who is, for my Buffypeeps, modeled on early robotic unemotional Anyna.

I know I am obsessed with Buffy b/c I can find references everywhere. And who would have thunk - except for DG - that my somewhat innocent comment in my profile regarding Buffy and Jaime Summers/Sommers would spark a possible article? (stay tuned) Maybe I need to start a support group? Although the sad thing is there are dozens of books on the obsession .. See The Philosophy of Buffy for a nice deep read. Also, Buffy Slang.

Til later!

My Boy! 

First Blog Entry

My loyal and patient peeps - I have finally found a new forum for my ranting. And perhaps this time y'all might actually reply to a mail I send, share with the group, or otherwise participate in what might be a fabulous dialog. Now, there are some of you - and I won't mention names - who enjoy arguing with me for the sake of arguing. So....BRING IT! But let's just set some ground rules..no swearing at me, no loss of peepship, no freakylink behavior. Let's just all get along.

Let me just give you a little update:
1. The house is the bomb - minus the astronomical oil bills.
2. Boo Boo Kitty has dropped some weight, and Satchmo is growing into the beautiful Norwegian Forrest Cat that he was born to be and has a little paunch thanks in large part to Aunty Rink!
3. Work is work.
4. My neighbor came over on Monday night with an arm load of curtains - the rumor is that the neighbors all got together and decided that they were sick of looking into my wide open windows.

Now for the good stuff - I am obsessed with the new season of American Idol and the Oscars are coming, the Oscars are coming! I am admittedly behind on my Oscar viewing but thankfully my local Crowne Theatre is re-playing many of the films up for nomination. Anyone who is interested in catching a film or two or three or four, please let me know. And I may re-institute the Oscar party in 2006.

Ok that's all folks - at least for tonight.