Obsession

I am obsessed with Celebrity Duets.

Xena sang tonight and did the ululating that we all love. The ONLY thing keeping her on the show is the number of lesbians watching and calling in. Her outfit looked like something Laura from Project Runway would design. Dionne Warwick was a little off here she was much better on American Idol but I am happy to see she is trying to recoop her 1800psychicsinger bankruptcy.

Carlton is drama this week but I LOVE HIM! He dances like a white boy but love him. Poor thing does have a sore throat though. Friggin Denise Williams looked excellent and Carlton rocked even with the voice issue.

Carly - horrible. Who is this Jessie McCarthy Person? Paul's son? Well she is just as good (or bad) as he is. Maybe with that rack hanging out she could get a date - they look cute together. HORRIBLE!

Why does Hal scream so much. Dennis DeYoung, "formerly of styx" got OLD. I think Leon had some posters of him over his bed. My sister was in love with that drummer Shaw or something like that. Who knows. Screaming songs does not make you sound good.

Cheech - Ain't no Sunshine. I love this song. And his best performance since this competition started. Aaron friggin Neville. I LOVE HIM! I saw him in New Orleans at the Jazz fstival and he just rocks the house. I adore his voice. The Neville brothers and the whole family are just amazing. That was good.

Marie did not sing with Wayne? She looks good in those jeans though. I KNOW she is like a characature of herself. but I adore her.

TYLER DANE! HOLY MACKEREL. SHe is Georgeous. Jai ROCKS. Tell it to my Heart. WHAT! That dress. I would love to get body to body to that. Dag - didn't she have breast cancer? Praise the Lord for making some beautiful women!

Their group songs are sort of - well, they are actually, undeniably bad. Alfonso did do a Carlton move. But I thought it was On and On, Long as I remember. Apparently it is Badooby badooby. curious.

Duets

I got my haircut and Leon of course had many things to say. First, my parking was horrible. Next, I apparently do not post enough pictures of him (and you say I'm cocky?!) on the blog. Also, I interject my thoughts of hotness into the blog too much.

Today, I cannot post his pictures because I cannot locate one of him and Ron! Damn Windows ME! Anyway what I can do is give him props for the following quote regarding Celebrity Duets and my statement that I think Wynona is of course hot: "Wynona is Wideloada." And when I said I loved Marie Paper Roses Osmond: "Well she is Elvira, with her paper roses on Fira." Ok the latter was simply mocking but the first was hysterical. Lee, I love ya! Holla!

Has anyone noticed that the house on 2 and a Half men is the Laverne and Shirley California house. Modernized but the same house. ROCK ON!

And I think the chicken stealer dude on survivor was on a Showtime or HBO or Cinemax show where he played an alcoholic and had a relationship with another alcoholic but they really loved each other but were too co-dependent. Sound familar?

Romance? no! Shomance? no! Homance?no. Its a Bromance!

Big Brother! Alas! I hate Boogie and cannot believe he won. Although, I must say on further analysis, it really is a win for Gays everywhere. The not so latent homosexual relationship between Will and Boogie was just unbelievably cute (annoying but cute) and I should be supporting this win. He is just such a freak and really should just come out of the closet. Of course he is taking Will to his romantic getaway in Aruba.

Janelle did win the audience vote and $25k and she is sooo Marilyn Monroe and hot!

This was a disappointing show because although the gay boy won, they did use sex and the promise of relationship to play the girls and they were such dunces and bimbos that they bought it.

I need to go on a reality show.

Ann Rice

I FINALLY finished The Witching Hour! Can you imagine - it took me all friggin summer. Well worth it, albeit a bit verbose. I do have the sequel, Lasher on the dining room table. Thanks Pleckie.

Travel Schmavel!

Well, its here! I am amazed that the summer went by so quickly. Further amazed that despite years in this business and years travelling many things remain the same.

First, I pack. Keeping in mind of course that I MIGHT go to the gym; I MIGHT go out each night; I MIGHT spill something on my self - I OVER PACKED! Of course I did not have a gym in the hotel, I did not go out each night, and I did not spill a thing.

I checked my overstuffed luggage in at the check in and I asked, what of my purell? Should I pack or carry? I was asked the ounces - 2! - just enough to make it. So, she tells me to carry. I then go through x-ray and was treated like a terrorist. She asked if I was a diabetic, I said no but I am a germaphobe and need my purell. She then treated me as though I belonged in the institute. alas. I immediately called my paranoid germaphobe pukeaphobe support group and was reminded that I infact packed Kleenex anti-bacterial wipes. WHOO HOO!

Next, come the prospects. Someone wanted to know when he should write an AMENDUM. He said it one time and I thought, ok the title threw him but the second and third time, well it was unforgiveable. It was fast forgiven by the dude who came up and said that he was tired of living in a RED STATE. He followed that up with, Sorry I don't know your political affiliations although being in higher ed or well, reading a book, it is unlikely that you are conservative. That was pretty funny. The next guy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a pair of Corona shorts, and flip flops. The only thing missing was a dubbie.

Some very important issues come up when observing people and the big lesson to learn is this: "If it Don't fit, don't wear it." Well, what do I mean? Wearing a pair of stilletos, that are one size too big, for the first time at an 8 hour event is not wise. If you are my size or bigger you should NOT wear a belly shirt, a mini skirt, a vest with nothing on underneath, or hip huggers to a professional event. If you are 8 months pregnant, perhaps wearing your size 2 jeans is not a great move. If you are anorexic, you should wear more clothes, layer. Please.

Finally, I must have used the rest room 30 times in one day. THe bathroom was skank and dark and there were 1000 people there - ok maybe only 445 were women but still. ick! Around time number 18, I peed on myself. Yes, this remains a problem for me. Squatting can be cumbersome for anyone. Keeping the urine stream straight and getting it into the bowl is often hard - and so if you move then well, you get it on yourself. Picture this, me with a drip filled left leg walking back into the garden room to meet more students. Yeah, that's professional.

Anyway, the season promises to be a long one and I am sure there will be many many stories.

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy Birthday to ME! Thanks to Pleckie and Penny on the gift of Angie as Wonder Woman - I of course had to undress her post haste!

Xena meets the Mullet

I taped the first episode of Celebrity Duets. Who knew it was a weekly show. Marie Osmond, I love her - PAPER ROSES!! I'm A little Bit Country. Little Richard wears more makeup than Marie Osmond. Can he close his eyes are are they sewed open? Foster, well he is the professional.

Xena - not loving the blonde but she is Xena afterall. She, read her body, looks great of course. Not sure who was worse Xena or Michael Bolton. I think Michael.

I love Alphonzo Ribero and still occasionally do his little Fresh Prince dance. He could sing - he sang on the show too. He did get a little chunky but is just adorable. The Destiny's child chick is no beyonce in looks or pipes.

James Ingram looks fabulous but this little gymnast should not sing anywhere ever. I thought Frampton was dead. Cheech just makes me happy because he was Tyne Dayly's boyfriend on Judging Amy (which show by the way USED MY diploma on their show).
Caroline in the City did horribly mostly because she was put with Lyle lovett - well, not really. it was bad. but Stevie Nicks picked out the outfit so that's not so horrible. Jai from Queer Eye - FRIGGIN ROCKED!!! He rocked. He was with Gladys Knight although I think the zing eye caused her have the woody woodpecker hair and to borrow Tina Turner's gold lame fringe skirt - but the highlights were fabulous.
Chris Jericho, well, you've heard me sing right? Well, comparatively, I ROCK. Leann Womack - she probably wanted to kill him for killing her song. HAL SPARKS - I adore him! - he does this weird thing with his voice that I actually like and SMOKEY Robinson goes to the same plastic surgeon as Little Richard. You probably didn't know that little fact. I think I am desparate for American Idol - and I adore Marie, simply adore her. Hello I have sung before! love her but she does look like some of her weirdo killer mormon dolls. I don't think I can watch the rest of this show.

I got sucked in by Leah who is much better shaking that grove thing with Michael bolton - but she did raise Janis Joplin from the grave for fashion advice. White girl can't really dance. She did blow this out a bit more. I NEED TO BE ON THIS SHOW!!!But I am no celebrity but in my own fantasy. ok she is off key but much better than with Lyle. Poor schnozalinac, she got stuck with the crappy gymnast who is a little better here but still not good. What do you do after you hit maturity and can't gymnast anymore? Alfonzo rocked with james - I want to sing with Alfonzo. Jericho - have you heard me sing? I ROCK! Xena, HOT, sang with Smokey "I can't close my eyes because they are sewed up and its kind of freaking out my voice because my eyes are dring up and going to pop out of my head" Robinson. Poor Xena - she needs to kick ass and wait..who am I kidding, if she was singing to me in that dress, and that sultry voice, she could sing in the key of Z Flat and I wouldn't care none! Hal and Gladys. Weaker than his first. I think he will strain himself screaming like he's doing. Why is he screaming. He has lots of teeth in his mouth. Cheech and Randy. Maybe they should just get rid of Randy because is he singing or talking. Cheech did well because they just chatted together. JAI ROCKED! He is a peanut. He could have been in Menudo. He would have ROCKED and maybe now Ricky Martin would be out of the closet.

My Girl Robin Roberts needs to Sue Wayne Brady - or needs to show me the signed use agreement - because he just said "come on back" what's up with that? Maybe they are friends or maybe he is just bogarting her shit.

I need my life to be a musical. Like the Nike ad with Blahblina Blahnipova. When they sing the I'm so pretty song. I am so over the fact that they changed the words from I feel Pretty, and witty, and gay to pretty, witty and bright. But the ad campaign ROCKS (same campaign as Roddick playing Pong but way better). Anyway, she leaves her hotel room and heads to the tennis court and EVERYONE she passes sings the I'm so pretty song. The cutest part is when she is in the cab and she looks down and smirks - I love her for that. And I love the ad. Just great. Kudos to Nike. I am in the wrong business. I need to write ads or be some kind of Neilson family or poster kid for an ad agency. OR someone needs to pay me to mock other people.

I'm going to watch Bones. I feel like i just wasted an hour of my life. But I'm amused!

night
k

Bloggable

Today's blogability quotient was a particularly high.
1. Why does RiRi have whiplash? Because I was such a nosalina I had to look at the throng of people congregating at a church. I was so concerned about what was going on that I missed that the car in front of me stopped. Then Ri mocked me by saying "hey what are they doing? are they having a meeeeeeeting?"
2. I need a hair cut so badly this was sung to me today.. "Cha. Cha. Cha. Chia!"
Did I mention I have a cousin named Nachia.
3. Look at that lady, she is such a bad driver. Within five minutes I almost killed us 10 times.
4. Who took my mint plant? I don't know. Did you take it? No, I didn't. Wait (stammer) a minute, I did take it (stammer). Why? Well it was dead. No it wasn't. Yeah it was beyond Dead. Well are you making her another one. Oh yes, was that too bold?
5. Today I cut my friend's lawn and when I left it was more like Mangey Balding Hay (MBH).
6. Can I make a snow angel in your new patio?

Frog Queen

Many of you know I have a little fear of Frogs. It all started when I was a barefoot kid running to AM's house to play charlie's angels - no suprise I was Sabrina Duncan and I could do a mean roll and "freeze" action down the hill. Anyway, I digress..one day I ran from the house to the back yard and SPLAT - I stepped on a frog. NASTY. Since then, all the frogs have been in a conspiracy against me. By conspiracy I mean that they hop their little bodies toward me in a way that causes me panic. Word is out among these little amphibians. They know it bugs me out. Today I unwittingly offended the Frog Queen once again. I was weed whacking by the tree in front and I whacked by what I thought was a stump. Alas, it was a frog. The Friggin thing was whipped toward me. I freaked out and ran away not really caring if I merely injured the frog. Its probably legless, unable to hop. Whatever but the thing that makes me nervous is that it is probably going to be like the friggin frog plague in here this weekend. Oh I'll be ready for their revenge. Yes I will.

IHA

Hi, my name is Karen and I have been using since I was a teen but have increased my useage in the past year. I would say, I have increased to once a week - definitely increased when I am doing physical activity. Sometimes I just use it so that I can sleep. Sometimes I just snort it. The feeling of euphoria is unmatched. The cold chills followed by the burning hotness through out my body. Last night I drenched my body in it and immediately fell asleep. I sleep better and I cannot wait until tonight when I can use it again. My name is Karen and I am an Icy Hotaholic.

hehehehehehe!

Clearly I have an icy hot addiction - I just LOVE IT!!! Just add it to the list of other issues and BAM! you got one whacky sista!

k

p.s. this in no way is meant to mock my people who have are currently in or have been in or have had success in the Anonymous programs. Just that clearly some of my addictions need their own step program. Day by Day my people, day by day.

pps maybe I need to be a preacher. :)