Adios Travel Season

Well, I finally returned from my last plane and/or train work related travel excursion. The destination: North Carolina. Now, it was my first time there and I must say, I liked it. Everyone was so nice and pleasant and I was called dear and sweetie and darlin by more strangers than I would typically allow, but it all just rolled off their tongues like they knew me. People asked how I was and waited for an answer and asked follow up questions and were generally interested in listening. And this is people who were not in the tip garnering business - just people walking around. It was pretty cool.

Pretty cool until I went to my event that is. Now y'all know I am a take my picture kind of gal. There was a photographer there. First she had on this weird spandex leggins and some tight ass fleece. who wears tight ass fleece? ok weird skinny photographers. So, I get all excited because well there is a camera. So I start smiling my smile and trying to mug it all up. Guess what - she does not fall for my picturetaking ways - and takes pictures of everyone but me. Now, she was working for the school paper and wanted to get pics of kids talking to reps and i was talking to no one but still - its me, and she had a camera. Never fear, I exacted my revenge and postitioned myself in every single one of her friggin pictures. Take that you tightass fleece wearing jankass picture takin ho!

So, back to loving NC. I dug on it. It was actually as cold as it is here at home. I was then struck by the diversity - as of course I would. I was even told that I looked Cherokee and the lady pondered my features and wondered about my lineage in something other than an offensive, racist kind of way. that was cool.

So, I am loving NC and then I get into my car to drive to my event. The radio was, I thought, on public radio. Much to my chagrin, it was on a radio station that proclaimed loudly, by women I might add, that women were BORN TO BE WIFES and that work has LESSENED the gene pool somehow to weaken this inborn trait. WTF? They were SERIOUS! SERIOUSLY! Honest to god I do not know what is wrong with people - but these women were serious. I turned the station to some 80s music which quickly ended and three hosts started talking about some 12 year old boy in the midst of a custody and circumcision battle. The hosts were debating on whether or not and who should make the decision. The final vote came down to the following statement "He'll be bangin' American chicks! So, cut that skin." I then turned off the radio and drove to my event in silence.

The event was slow - slow - slow - and boring - and slow. So, I txt, read email, edit some work that I brought with me, and called the office. I learned that I can likely bring my Q in to Verizon and get an updated one beceause it should not be losing the charge as it does. So, I wanted Rach to go in my desk and get the scandisk and plug so that it would be ready for me to download all my pictures, etc. Rach goes into my office and I tell her where in my desk she might find these items. She goes searching and comes on the line and asks about the M&Ms in something unidentifiable in the same bag. Ok throw that out. And what about the Cookie Crisps? Throw it out. She then asks me whether or not I felt that I would be trapped without food in my office because there is a veritable cornucopia of snack bars in the drawer as well and did I have any idea why I would horde such items. I nearly pissed myself remembering not only storing all that in there but also the day AM and I found loose Oreos in her brothers dresser. He was on a diet and hording and stealing food from everyplace he went. Of course its not funny to have eating disorders but clealy TV and I have the same one.

I left my event and went to the airport for a 3pm flight. It was of course delayed and I didn't get home til 9:30pm - a fitting ending to a long travel season.

I did get to eat some great thai, write in this blog, listen to Jdog sing and my hair continues to look flufftastic! So, life is still good.

Peace,
k

Meet the Crazies

Well Jdog came to family dinner. I know, why would I subject her to family dinner. Not sure, but I did. My family is a bit tweaked. We walk in - me in my flufftasticness, Jdog in her Jdogedness. My sis immediately tells me that I need some silicone based product in my hair. Great. Thanks. Enter Mom and Dad. Dad laughs and mom contorts her face in a disgusted way and proceeds on 5 minutes of no, what are you really doing to your hair? what are you going for? To which, Jdog, replies - its blacktastic. Mom asks, is that the opposite of fantastic? Jdog says no she's getting in touch with her african roots. To which family goes mute and subject merrily changed.

Now mom called Jdog, Jenn for most of the early day. At dinner and the 10th such name calling, Jdog replies to mom's "do you want spinach jenn?" with a determined "no thanks peggy." To which mom laughed, snorted, and thereafter stated that she made a friend today. Great. Thanks.

Dinner proceeds and again with the silicone based hair product and the what are you doing with your hair. Jdog says "I think she looks beautiful." Which causes tears of laughter from my father and another subject change.

There was more - like mom saying only men would have sports paraphenlia in a room. Jdog again had my back when i said I would have sports momentos in a room and thought it was cool and not tacky!

It was an interesting day. Jdog got to see the inner workings of the fam and well I had an ally at the table. Thanks Jdog!

All Hallows Eve

Halloween came and went with no blog update. So, here it is. Jdog was going as one of the Tipping the Velvet chicks and so I had to look decent. So, I promised not to just put on my Cowboys jersey and visor. It was Halloween after all and you're supposed to dress in something that is not necessarily what you would normally wear. Which meant I needed to go outside my comfort zone a bit. So, I ended up being sort of a mix of disco diva and blacksploitation star. I even bought and put on makeup. I wore black pants with a bit of a flare and a white tux shirt. And get this one...under the white shirt I wore a black body suit/leotard kind of thing. The girls were bustin out and my plan was to wear the white shirt open exposing said girls. SHAZAM!

Unfortunately not all my plans turn out as expected. First, the leotard thing snapped in the crotch. I am not sure when the last time you wore something that had clasps in the crotch but it was likely the last time you wore a onesie. So, this thing, I put it on and then had to contort and twist my body in ways that made me grunt and heave and sweat. FINALLY, body suit thing on, I stand. I immediately got a wedgie (frontal and rectal) and the underwire for the girls was literally hitting my stomach. Now, I am not as perky as I used to be but lord have mercy I am not saggin that low. So, I adjusted and focused on my hair.

The word for my hair is Flufftastic. I picked the shit out of my hair - it was crazy fluffy and afrotique. I put in a little white head band, lifted the underwire and was good to go. Then I got self conscious and put on a scarf to cover my business. Did I mention I bowled on Halloween - yeah it was a gay bowling night so to the lanes I trotted (ok drove). Apparently I did ok on the outfit because Jdog wasn't the only one interested in seeing me in all my exposed glory but I had to show it to the other women around me. Shazam again!

I then tried to bowl. The first ball I threw (and for those who have seen me bowl, I really throw it) my left tit popped out of my leotard and nearly pegged me in my eyeball. I was afraid and immediately covered myself. Lest you grow complacent in the fact that this was the only damage I did to my self on that night - it was not. On my very next turn, while compensating for the boob spill, I swivelled my hips in such a way to cause the snapped crotch leotard to pull further into my parts. Every hair was caught in the damn thing and it felt like I had a turd stuck in my ass. Alas, I prayed and feared that the crotch snaps would immediately dislodge and not only give my nether regions a reprieve but that it would also seriously injur someone - me!

No suprise, I bowled an average of 120 something but I looked pretty hot (so I'm told). I certainly enjoyed myself but I will say this - next year I'm a cowboy!