Buffy 8, #1

Ok if you are going to read Buffy 8, stop reading unless you want to ruin the whole first episode.

First some context:
Its been a long time since we've seen our favorite Scooby gang. Well, I just saw them this morning in Season 1 - 7am on FX - and I know others who are watching other Seasons on dvd - but you get the picture. Anyway, last we knew, Sunnydale had imploded, taking with it a bunch of deamons, the One (or did it?), Spike the immortal champion, and our beloved yet dearly departed ex-deamon Anya. Spike proved him immortality and was thrown into the lives of Angel and the Wolfram and Hart gang. Spike and Angel - vampires with souls - joined forces against evil and found themselves (at a clear jumping the shark moment) in Italy trying to save Buffy from a life with the Immortal. Dah Dah Dah! (that's the dinging that occurs when a scarey scene ends and we are left wondering what's next).

Enter Buffy 8, #1:

Buffy and the various squads of vampire slayers (like 5000 slayers but only 500 have joined the Buffster) sort of appear to fly and have cool guns and suits and gadgets - definitely more powerful superhero comicy. Buffy is out and about with a squad of slayers in Scotland of all places (of course after the bright warmth of Sunnydale why not land in cold, dreary Scotland - no evil deamons there!). They stumble across what could only be the next big bad, or at least his minions, whom they slay, and his (or her) calling card - a brand on the chest of some dude. She calls it into command central and who is at the helm? No not Giles (although he is referenced therein) but our be-patched Xander. If you can let go of the technology and the fact that he stands there like a dictator, and there is no way Season 7 xander would be dealing with technology - he is the same old Xander. Making appropriate jokes and sarcasm. He references Captain Fury of course. There are unknown women all about whom I only assume are slayers.

Anyway, Buffy tells us that Andrew and the rest of the gang decided that buffy was in danger and decided to create 2 stand ins. One is underground awaiting assignment presumably and the other is out and about partying hardy and visibly in ITALY with the Immortal. This is of course a sort of apology to all of us who were pissed off that Angel would reference Buffy and not think to clear Sarah MG's schedule for the taping and instead dumping a horrible body double look alike on screen. So, now we know it really wasn't her anyway. Andrew is in charge of the Italy Squad.

Willow is painfully missing but we know that Dawn (her whining was referenced) is looking for her. Dawn dated and likely slept with someone who was a thricewise who turned her into a giant. The exchange between buffy and dawn was actually very funny and between the writing and the depiction it really worked well. One board had buffy lying on her back clearly exhasperated by her sis's incessant whining. But its all about Buffy, who is sexless and horny and still trying to save the world.

Meanwhile in Sunnydale - the US gov is reasearching the terrorist (buffy) that blew up her own town. They have done some recon on her (think Riley might show up in this series?) and found that she works with squads - although the boss reminds his underlings that terrorists have cells. funny. Anyway, they have two survivors one is a man and one a woman. The woman was more talkative and she was looking for something ... cheese. One guess who this is? Say it with me.... AMY! The comic ends with a shot of Amy all kinds of patched up and crazy looking.

The drawings are amazing - there is some resemblance to all the main characters which I like. They are definitely more buff, darker in some respects because it is a comic, and it does take on the characteristics of many of the comic heroes of the day. The writing is clearly Joss and clearly buffy and they made it work very well. Its good to have the gang back and I am interested to see who the big bad is, and how we move forward with so many other slayers. I fear it will be more about the gaggle of slayers and not enough about those we care about. I am hoping anya comes back (unlikely), and all the slayers are killed, and that faith returns soon. Xander used her saying Five by Five and really it doesn't work with him.

I cannot wait until next Wednesday - new release.

Oh if you are content with second prints of the comics ... get thee to your local comic book dealer! The picture on the next is a great - X and B. Its tight!

The Stars are out tonight!

Ok let's focus on the stars:
1. Ben Stiller - I adore him.
2. Jack Black is just hysterically funny and he can sing
3. Eric McCormack - if everyone who voted for Sanjaya gave a dollar that would do a lot of good. FUNNY! And Sanjaya just laughing at it all.
4. STAYING ALIVE ROCKED - BUFFY, GILLIAN ANDERSEN, HELEN MIREN, GOLDIE HAWN. BUFFY!!! GWENETH. PARAMINDER. WTF? This was awesome. The friends getting together (david schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow) was cute, so was the nod to SNL with Rob Schneider and that guy who was the weird dancer dude. Helena Bonnam Carter is bizaro. Great skit.
5. Ellen needs a new outfit coordinator.
6. I like that the folks who dig on one.org are coming out for this cause - brad pitt, matt damon, julia roberts. Sure they were probably paid $100,000 to simply go into a room and record some words but alas. At least Ellen donated $100k. Of course I went online and donated.
7. whoa kiki needs to up the bust size on that shirt.
8. Madonna - I hear there was a restraining order imposed against her in all the Sudan.
9. 70 million votes - and everyone is safe. not really shocking poor Jordin. That is just not right.


And the music:
1. Thank god Sanjaya is gone before this episode because he would have ruined Quincy Jones' song. Now, did I not just say who did We are the World? They should re-do that or make another song? Yes I did and who showed up? Quincy and he made another Africa song. It was pretty good.
2. il Divo - yeah could have done without that dude's eyebrows
3. Rascal Flats - I think I might like them. Not a bad song - more than anything, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to...and you always know someone loves you. How awesome is that. I am crying - this is a great song for my girl Alyssa. Cause asking me to always forgive is really not a possibility. I'm such a grudge holder. hehe. They need to lower some of the mics.
4. Earth Wind and Fire need to Retire. But it was a decent mix of songs.
5. Seal coming out and judging Jack Black (ok sort of). What I want to know is when is Heidi's show coming back on - I'm sorry you are Auft.
6. Carrie Underwood. One she is GEORGEOUS! Two, how painful is her version of Stand by you? Awesome. I thought Chrissy Hines rocked and now Carrie is just the bomb.
7. You Raise me up is a great painful song but there is something about Josh Groban that is a little odd for me. I think it is just picturing him as that dorky beat me up kind of kid on Ally McBeal. Maybe its the my hair has never been washed thing. Not sure. The African Kids Chorus is absolutely adorable and I am crying once again.
8. Kelly Clarkson - up to the mountain. WOW! I adore her as you know however, she needs Stacey and Collin way more than Ellen. Kelly can really sing the blues - I love her voice.
9. holy crap what we waited for is Celine Dion and the King superimposed. This is the friggin lamest thing that I have ever seen. Now when Natalie Cole did it with her dad that was the BOMB! This is Hoke city. And Pricilla Presley allows this to happen - actually maybe Lisa Marie has all the estate stuff now. The technology is not so cool now that we know how it is really done. Technology is getting much better - star wars as we know it vs. episode 1 et al.
10. Annie is intense so is the song. I won't be adding this to my pod though. Sister can still sing!


Miscellaneous comments:
1. they showed us some of these clips last night. we do not need to see them twice. I am sure there is hours and hours of footage that they could have chosen.
2. the ford ads annoy me. The best idol ford ad is Kelly's song. And KiKi should not wear polka dots. ever.
3. Paula's outfit was actually kind of cute.
4. Simon, yes we know its wrong and it is unbelievable, but this is fucking reality for some people in this world. Poverty. Illness. This is reality. I need to go on a mission or something. I SUCK and need to do more. We need to do more.
5. Is Simon gay? Is Ryan still pretending to be metrosexual? Its weird.
6. If I hadn't already donated, those kids at the end really pulled at my strings and I would have donated twice as much.
7. Bono looks great with that shaved head. He did get old though. They should have ended it with Bono singing. I am done with Blake - that face is making me crazy. and Chris. UGH! I am hoping that Chris is the real bottom for next week because that voice and eyebrows and tick has to go. That fact that Leroy thinks he is beautiful baffles me. Although he did love Phil Collins and the dude from Men at Work so Chris isn't bad in that light. ;) love ya lee.

Somewhat disappointing. The best part was the shadow dancing and Carrie and Kelly. I don't remember seeing Pink or Gwen Stephanie. Where were they?

Ok it was worth it.

Peeing with laughter

Check out Leon's comments on the AI post. Powder. FUNNY! I am peeing my pants oh yeah and crying over Carrie's version of Stand by you. Can't wait to get to work ......uh um get to my other accessible computer to down load it and listen to it on repeat.

Check out the commercial with the song "Marie." A guy goes to the work fridge and there is a case of diet coke with "marie" on a sticky note. Great DC ad. Who hasn't bogarted someone else's bevies from the fridge. Well, not me.

Toothpaste Dilemma

I am having toothpaste problems. For about 2 years I have been using Crest with Scope. Then one day, I didn't work for me. Next, I tried Crest procare plus in cinnamon. It was supposed to work and feel just like going to the dentist. Well, I'm not sure about you, but my dentist never cleaned my teeth with cinnamon flavored spakel or grout. I tried for about 2 weeks with this gritty nasty tasting paste until I couldn't take it anymore. Then I did the unthinkable - I bought the paste on sale - colgate something, forgetting of course that I hate colgate. My grammy used Colgate and it should invoke good memories but instead it just reminds me of well, colgate. I had one day of okness - when I loved the foaming. Today I picked up Crest prohealth in clean mint. A little gritty but it tastes so much better than the others.

If you have good suggestions let me know. Unless the suggestions include colgate, aim, tom's of maine, pepomint paste, or fixodent. Love ya, but also been there and done that! and the fixodent was only because I was at gram's and forgot my own toothpaste once so I had to use the denture paste.

WONDER WOMAN!

I received an easter card from leon this weekend. It is wonder woman and you open it up and LYNDA CARTER says, "it seems to me you could put your powers to good use somehow." And then my voice says, "oh yes I can (sing this next part) wonder woman!" Except my part isn't in the card. alas, its only in my head.

rambles

Let's focus on something about me for a change LOL!! ;)
What am I going to do with my hair? Should I continue to let it grow or just cut it again? Its a cuter look in a hat but its just big and full and big. Send comments to my home email.

Here is a funny. I'm watching Futurama and there was a commercial for a something that had mini-twinkies. And I recalled that during the long ride from PA last weekend, I got hostess cupcakes. I love eating hostess cupcakes - there is a method which I believe I discussed in a previous, long ago, post. Basically take off the white piping, the chocolate coating, lick out all the frosting, and eat the cake. So, I'm driving and eating the cupcake in my normal way and Ri said something like - when you are done making love to that cupcake do you think you can put two hands on the f'ing wheel. I almost choked on the moist chocolatey cake.

What do I know about gardening? Not much. What do I read in order to learn about gardening? Nothing. Do I just make it up? HELL YEAH! So, I spread some grass seed over the spotty barren parts of my lawn. There is a patch that is just dirt where the gas company tore up the grass. So, I just put a lot of seed in that area and walked away. Bev nicely informed me that I needed to scrape some away and add some dirt around. And yeah, watering new grass is apparently important too. Honestly! Watering? Harumpf! Isn't it going to rain this week - I figured it could wait til then. Give me a project that requires digging, shovelling, hauling, and I am happy. I'll work all day - or until I get too hungry. Give me a project that requires watering and I can't follow through. Nonsensical. Thankfully Bev hooked up planting the hydrangea and hyacinth otherwise those would have been dead too. alas. I have another patio project this year that I will work on and I'll leave the green thumbing to others.

Spiderman 3

Spiderman 3 comes out on May 3. Who is in for going after work on Wednesday the 3rd? If you are in - I'll be going to the Crown (or now Bowtie) in Hartford.

Idol Gives Back

Of course I am so very happy that Sanjaya is off the show and what a time to kick him off. Tonight is Idol Gives Back night. They publicized it as a host of stars coming on the show. I have not seen one. Ok Ryan - annoying. The judges - typical.

Chris - I am not a Chris fan at all. Sure he can boy band it but his voice is just annoying to me as are his weird head ticks.

Melinda - my favorite. She is in a league of her own and she just commands the stage and rocks out the song.

Blake - I am so done with him too. He sort of looks like the love child of Richard Marx and Helen Hunt. He will get a contract and is sort of coldplayish and some band that Leon introduced me to this weekend - something like the Milos, Milanos, something like that.

Did Paula find rehab and/or a boyfriend? She seems pretty good today. Ryan couldnt give these poor kids a friggin whole banana - he gave them like a flipping quarter piece of a banana. The orphans are starving. Someone needs to remake or re-release Feed the World. Or what was that song - Do they know its Christmas time.

KiKi - busting out with a fantasia song. I am not a Fantasia fan so I don't understand why anyone would do her songs. KiKi should have NEVER started the season with that Jennifer Holiday song because EVERYTHING seems horrible in comparison. Sister's got pipes though!

Walking Dead Dude - I just cannot even watch him, especially when he wears his hat all kinds of crazy and crooked. His forehead is pretty long and he has a bulbous head that looks like a boil that needs to be lanced. So, I look elsewhere and listen only to his voice. Tonight it didn't help. I didn't like him at all. SONG CHOICE!!! And here is a little more judgment, since their baby was born they have seen it what appears to be about 8 times. That annoys me.

Jordin - starting slow. Looks kind of vampy in the coiffe department. Voice is shakey and pitchy. Horrible. She could be kicked. Wait a minute - one of the best vocals EVER. What was I listening to? It sounded like a broken dog friggin whistle. Maybe I am tone deaf afterall.

Clearly I need to do even more for people. Starving people. UGH! This is just heartbreaking. Maybe I should adopt. Non-sequitor perhaps but it makes sense to me.

Where the F are Pink, Bono, and everyone else they said are participating on this show tonight? Certainly not in that friggin black and white gapesque One.org commercial. Maybe tomorrow.

Freakin' Satchmo

My beautiful big brazen boy Satchmo. He is so cute and loveable but let me tell you I am ready to throw this boy out. Well, that's no punishment because he is jonzing to get out. He is scratching all my screens, jumping long and far distances over my body and through the smallest cracks and crevaces to get outside. I keep bringing him back in. I need to be on my toes with this one. A baby will be much much easier than this friggin beastula.

Y'all know that I am sort of OCD and anal. I have order to my chaos. One piece of the order is located on my coffee table. Papers, magazines, comics and books are stacked in order of medium, receipt date, and size within genre. This makes of course for a pile from largest to smallest. The smallest being Janet Evanovich's Plum Lovin', which I have bookmarked but not read. On the same table is a mirror, a friendship circle candle, and a baby basketball. Oh right, and piece of miscellaneous mail and coaster.

Satch, being curious and a royal PITA, gets up and sprawls out on top of EVERYTHING. Then because I am paying no attention to him, he starts looking at me and then nudging things slowly off the table. Like a friggin little kid. Pushing everything off the table as though I cannot see him. or because I can see him. And all I can do is watch in amazement and laugh my ass off. Hysterical. It is co cute but I want to knife him for f'ing with my order!!

DEQ

A friend, who happens to be a bigger (though not in size) food freak than I am, had another classic moment. She ordered a burger and asked if she could substitute the side (to whit fries) for something else. You might think cole slaw, side salad, potato salad. Nope, not our girl! She wanted the side to be a hotdog! Double Entree Queen!

Thelma & Louise

Not much to report from the trip except:

1. I can't take a picture - I tried to get the amish riding the buggie down the road. You know, gawking at them, pointing and steering and hanging out the window asking them to wait. Even with that I cut off the horse of the horse and buggy.

2. We packed enough snacks and bevies for about 10 weeks and more clothes than are necessary on a 2 day trip.

3. The orioles game - poured.

4. The wedding was great even though we sat with the photographers who spent the entire time complaining that Chele wasn't bridezilla!!!! Beatches!

5. We traveled, no joke, Snack Attack Road - this road has all the factories for Utz (ri was in mecca), Snyders, Hanover Foods and a mess of other places too. Pretty cool.

6. The ride home - took 7 hours. Is was like a tsunami without the requsite tidal waves, etc. Anyway, the rain and wind and cold was HORRIBLE. BUt we pressed on. Then we stopped at a rest area - the friggin thing wouldn't take my credit card for gas and Thelma went into the bathroom and came out to find 5 really gross dudes staring at her drooling over her. I guess she was fresh meat. WE finally got to CT and thought we had beaten the highway closures when of course we were screwed and forced to get of the road and find our way from the Merit to Route 1 (95 was allegedly closed too). We finaly found our way (I need GPS in the car) and hopped on the highway. Rain Rain Wind Cold Rain Wind Cold Wind Wind Wind Cold Cold - drop off Ri who had no power and head home.

Totally worth the trip.

Flippin Finally

Well he is finally gone. I cannot believe he really thought he was a good singer - why would he cry? He should be bouncing for joy that he made it this far and that he is officially going to tour (horribly) with the rest of the gang. There is absolutely NO way that I am going to buy tickets to that show that is for sure.

I adore Antonio Banderas. His wife however, Melanie, has to stop injecting her lips with collagen. I think she could use those smackers as a life boat if she is ever pushed over board on a cruise ship.

Fergie rocks but is also a little surgery obsessed - but at least she is going to the Prasilla Presley surgeon which will only make her look sort of unnaturally skinny in the face and skullesque.

Martina looks pretty good but her song was sort of well, dumb. It went something like this:
If you think hot shorts pants are atrocious
wear them anyway.
If your cat keeps puking on your rug
feed her anyway.
If you've gained 30lbs on M&Ms
Eat them anyway
When the dark clouds follow you around
believe in the sun anyway
When your life is in the crapper
believe in god anyway
cause god is great
anyway
and I can sell albums cause my voice rocks and I look good in these hot shorts
anyway!!!!!
Well this isn't really verbatim but close enough.

And they're off....

No not the horses. Thelma and Louise. Me and Ri. My friend Chele is getting married in PA this weekend and we (me and ri) are hitting the road. Its a 5 hour trip and we will likely spend the entire time trying to remember which one is Thelma and which is Louise.

Now we recently watched at least part of the movie to refresh our recollection and that really didn't work. Why? Well, who can remember who is who first off. Next, I am more like Geena Davis' character - sort of F you flighty. And RiRi is more like Susan- minus the buggy eyes - because she is sort of bossy and way more serious. LOL! Love you Cho! However, here is where it breaks down - you couldn't catch me lapping it up with some dude in a cowboy bar. Actually, there was a bar in HotLanta and I was seriously dropping it like it was hot and since it was a straight bar I was dancing with some guys and I did pick up some numbers, the kid I was with said - are you sure you are gay and then brought me to a strip club where I got appropriately mortified and begged him not to get me a lap dance by the skanky razor burned woman on stage. but I digress.

The remaining Thelma v. Louise issue is frankly I'm more likely to be carrying a gun and getting all kinds of rage over someone fucking with Louise (or thelma) so I would be the psycho killer and Ri would be the one friggin flippin out on me when I was trying to figure out the plan and of course in the middle she would bring home brad pitt and start screwing his brains out too. But she would drive off the cliff with me in the end when we both went loco from the whole fuckedupedness of our dark cloud lives. So, I guess it doesn't matter which character we resemble it turns out the same - but we won't be driving off the cliff just into the Nor'easter. There was that time we ended up driving down the Rio Grande Gorge in a rent a wreck. But again with the digression.

Since T&L are on the loose in a car, I am sure there will be plenty to blog on Monday night! So, stay tuned.

Muzac

I downloaded John Mayer's Continuum this week. Great CD - back to the soul of the first album. I dig on it. Also Sugarland's CD I forget the name. Lee help me out here... Maybe its Sugarland or Return to Sugarland or come visit my Sugarland, sugar. Its country but the lead singer is sweet and the sound is the bomb. My 11 year old neice can sing all the words and she is soooooo much like her auntie because you put a microphone in that kid's hands and she BELTS EM! I love it and her! She also turned me on to Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson (aka I'm a Bitch). ROCK ON!

Painkiller Jane

There is a new show on SciFi Channel called Painkiller Jane. It stars Christina Loken, Terminator 3 (suckassmovie) and Shane's love interest on this season's LWord. The show is based on a comic of the same name. Girl who can push through any amount of pain grows up and works undercover for the government. Guns, telepathy, goons & other creepy people appear and get killed, kidnapped, and otherwise tortoured. heheehehe. I for one cannot wait. I set the DVR for Fridays at 10pm! One more show to add to the list.

http://www.scifi.com/painkillerjane/news/

Catching up with the Race

I am catching up on Amazing Race. I really cannot stand the Guidos - they wear too much makeup. Danielle is stupid - she thought Warsaw was in Africa. Of course I am a geography idiot but still, Warsaw!? Honestly.

Uchena and Joyce and Schmirna and Mirna are my favorite people on the teams. I cannot stand the beauty queens. Danny & Oswald are pretty cool too.

They are at Auchweiz and of course I am balling. Balling. What humans do to other humans is just unfuckingbelievable.

I never heard of an "intersection" which is a meshing of two teams. Cool but new to me. I should brush up if the Beefalo Twins are going to take on Side Salad and Lettuce Leaf in this game.

Bulking up for the big game

Tuesday is opening night and I need to bulk up! LOL! I am not sure why but I am not eating much during the day which is good. But tonight I got home at 8:40pm and instead of take out Thai, I picked up a pint of ice cream. A new Ben & Jerry's flavor. Something like American Dream or something like that - Colbert's ice cream. Vanilla Bean ice cream (Yum) with chocolate covered waffle cones and carmel swirl. Excellent, if you like those flavors of course. There are a bunch of new flavors including Cinnabon. That can't be too bad, probably sweet but yummy.

Hopefully I will not trip over another invisible rock.

Jennifer Lopez

She is just beautiful! Who cares that I could not understand a word but for Bessa me - which I think means kiss me. I am still uncertain as to why in the middle of the song she said "come on" in english. Why not just say that in Spanish. whatever, baby still got back under that little frilly thing.

Haley Mills needed to go and she did. Sanjaya - just no words.

For the Wymynists

If you haven't seen the following movies, you must (at least in my humble opinion):

Coyote Ugly & Gone in 60 Seconds. Of course they are mainstream non-lesbian movies. HOWEVER, CU has some hot women dancing on bars and Maria bello is sort of bisexual. Great music and a great dance on the bar which I would love to re-enact but I doubt anyone woult let me up there plus the effect would be so very very different. Gone in 60 stars Angelina Jolie and a 1967 Shelby. I should not have to say more than that - hot girl, hot car. But there is a scene that involves her trying to make it with Nick Cage in the Shelby and she gets caught up on the gear shaft. She is just so sexy.

ok. my 2cents. but both were on this weekend.

Few more things

Its been so long that now that I am logged in I can't seem to stop the stream of consciousnesseque posts.

I still adore the Secret Lover T-mobile fab 5 ad. So funny.

L Word - started with a bang and then did a quadruple axle right over the stalking shark. Horrible last few episodes to an otherwise strong and exciting season.

The Sopranos - WTF? Who knows what was going on. I wanted to knife Janice and Tony needed to kill bacala. It was ridiculous. And AJ? Honestly. Are thy just going to end the show with Tony running things from the joint, Carmela taking over, and everyone getting killed in the end? Ok that is what should happen in next week's episode. Not sure I can hang in there all season - but of course I will. Alas.

Did I mention that my knee is KILLING me!!! Icy hot wont really work and I hate to get that all over my FLEECE sheets but I NEED it if only for the comfort factor. mmmmm

The Lake House - Keaneau and Sandra bullock. This was painful. Painful in a wow horrible movie AND in the emotionally painful way. The movie - despite the bizare time travelesque thing - was really about those moments in time we miss and regret somewhere deep in our soul. This had of course to do the them being the loves of each other's lives. Timing is apparently everything - which is something that I have yet to master. If only I can go back in time and do a massive REWIND. The other part of the movie was about wasiting your life waiting for that perfect one to come along and basically getting to the point where you settle for the next best thing. Which as a theory and reality in so many ways - is painful. They could have done a much better job with the screenplay. Keaneau actually acted pretty well which sometimes is a shock. For me it was worth it.

Half Nelson - drug addict teacher and coach struggles with his addiction, his love of teaching, and his students. One relationship with a girl whose brother is in jail, mom works a billion hours a week, dad is uninvolved, and family friend is a dealer. She struggles with belonging and finds herself walking in on and taking care of her teach when he goes from coke to heroine. That secret bonds them. There was an overarching sense inappropriate relationship between the teach and the student but thankfull nothing came of it. It was actually a great movie - could have gone deeper into some issues but overall it was very good.

Birkhead is the father! Amazing. Its far better than Zsa Zsa's husband - ick. One grave robbing in a lifetime should be enough.

Futurama is a great show that you must watch - just ask to borrow seasons 1&2.

Well, icy hot is calling.

Big Girls Can Play But they Might Get Injured

Well, today was the first softball practice. I have been getting up and going to the gym at 6am for an entire two days now. Forty minutes on the eliptical. Not so bad. So what my knees are killing me from my entire 2 days of working out. Nevertheless, I trudged off to meet the new team and see if a year off and maybe a few pounds have impeded my abilities.

See if you can come up with your own answer to the question:
1. I almost screamed when a ball was rifled to my face.
2. My first throw to first base was aimed not at the first baseman but apparently the fence which stood approximately 7.5 feet to her left, my right.
3. I almost fenced the ball - but that was good.
4. While running - nay, jogging - nay, sauntering - to second base for the cut off throw, I tripped. Not over anything in particular I just sort of fell over perhaps my 1/2 size too big new RED cleats, or maybe a little lump of dirt. In any event, I fell. Rolled actually, right to the base. HYSTERICS all around me. Welcome to the team!
5. When I finally decided to run - it was not pretty. I can't possibly imagine getting to even second base even on a long ball.
6. I was walking up my stairs to use the potty and my knee blew out - just blew. Just popped right or was it left and litterally fell me on the stairs. I didn't fall or roll or do anything but become completely immobilized. As the pain radiated from my knee down my calf and into my ankle I thought about that story. The story that indicated cats would actually eat a dead or injured human. Now my cats are pretty big kids, and Satchmo is like a total food whore so, as I cringed and almost blacked out from the intense pain (I think I tore my outter miniscus - medial was torn in a basketball tourney years ago so that is gone and the swelling is pretyt painful right now - can I get a doctor please?).... Anyway, intense pain - cat story - and I knew in that instant that if something happens to me in this house, and I live with no one with opposable thumbs, these animals will begin to gnaw on my injured body. They'd live for days - maybe wn entire week - I'd say longer but they are pretty much gluttonous. Its like me and peanut m&m's - I have no control. NONE! They would start on the leg and not be able to finish until they were sucking out the marrow.

So practice went well. I can't wait for next week. I may even replace my high school glove which I still use!

First Amendment

Most of you know that I am a conlaw kind of freak. I believe in the first amendment - that is, until someone says something that I completely disagree with. Which brings me to two issues:

1. Howard K - honestly he's hired a lawyer to protect him from all people who even think that he murdered Anna and her son? Please. Fox News, another network that should be silenced, reported that the attorney is going to attempt to pierce the cerebellum. Which is pretty funny but I truly think they meant it.

2. Imus - do I think the Rutgers players play dirty ball? Sure. Too many tattoos? maybe (said the woman with 10). But to bring it down to the level of racism? WTF? He needs to retire - 10 years ago.

American Idol

Well folks, I banned AI last week when Sanjaya was not kicked off when he was once again the clear LOSER of the night. Tonight I vowed NOT to watch - however, I was totally sucked in by Jennifer Lopez. Sucked in. Melinda is the most talented by far. And Sanjaya wasn't the worst - as I felt that Justin Timberlake dude was pretty horrible as was the living dead, and Haley Mills. I just do not know what to do with myself. I will tune in tomorrow to see who gets kicked off. Maybe its an AI ploy to get us to watch - maybe they are part of the conspiracy. Follow me here - votefortheworse.com and Howard Stern (the original) pushing for Sanjaya, we tune in and tune out. Ai is part of the conspiracy in that they play up the freakishly bad skinny dude and send Taylor Hicks off to conduct interviews about Sanj, hoping that each week we will forget that we are pissed off and we come back to tune in. ITS SO FRUSTRATING!!!

Boston Legal

I love the new improved freaky Priceline guru William Shatner. However, I get the feeling that Boston Legal has become just a way to wackhim off in some way. This week was pretty cool - ok the plot actually sucked - but they intertwined one of his old lawyer roles from the 60s and that was supposed to be his father. Interesting take but again, just self aggrandizement. Although maybe he's worth it.